When Things Get Bad

If I could throw this lifeless lifeline to the wind
Leave this heart of clay, see you walk, walk away
Into the night...and through the rain
Into the half-light and through the flame...

Mom was admitted to the hospital Friday. I've been sitting with her, watching TV, talking, remembering the this and that's of our lives. I have discovered exactly how funny she is with her filter removed...and IV pain meds are great for removing filters. She is also VERY fidgety!!!! I am not. I am usually annoyed by those who can't be still. I have always been very still. A thinker more than a doer. But she is not annoying me. These are the precious times. The calm before the storm. (There are storms coming that can't be prayed away.)


Yesterday I went to church but got the call that she needed me before church. In Sunday school (first church) I wrote a letter to her.


Dear Mom,

Chance told me the other day that some of his best / favorite memories of you and daddy were our cabin / mountain trips. When we would all get snuggled into bed and you would start laughing. We all knew it was because you had just 'got' the joke of the day. But to him it would cause a joy to come again and that moment to him was funnier/ better than the original joke. He remembers going to sleep with such a peace and joy.

When he told me that story, it brought back to me my childhood-because that's what you've done for all of us throughout our family life. You have been the JOY of this family. I know that it must have seemed like we were laughing at you- but we weren't. We were laughing because of you. You have been our joy all of these years. I want you to rise up and continue to be our joy for years to come.

I know that the pain you are in is great.

If I could through myself
Set your spirit free
I'd lead your heart away
See you break, break away...

I'm praying that God takes this pain from you.

If I could, you know I would,
If I could, I would
Let it go.....

I pray that HE restores to you YOUR joy! Chance is funny because you are funny. I am strong because you are strong. And you are healed because He IS healing. You are holy because He is too holy to fail you!
I love you momma!
Love,
Jant.

(Song by U2 from the album 'The Unforgettable Fire' October 1984/ Lyrics by Bono)