Sometimes life isn't all its cracked up to be. Its a dream that sometimes becomes a reality. And the reality brings things that we aren't prepared to handle. Life has a way of happening in unpredictable ways with unpredictable outcomes. Sometimes we think were OK when in reality we don't even know what lies inside.
All that is within me... sometimes I wonder what is truely left inside of me. What is my heart truly made of. What is it that drives me. What is my prime objective and motivation behind my own actions. I've heard it said that you know exactly why you do things. Sometimes I'm not so sure that I even know who I am- let alone know my motives.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
I am home from work again today. I got dressed to go in but they called and talked to me... and basically talked me out of going to work. With the exception of the breathing treatments I’m doing every 4 hours there is nothing I can’t do there that I’m not doing here right? (Well.. There is the napping...)
So they have told me that I have adult onset of Asthma. I still find that hard to believe and even harder to accept. I’m thinking that I have a bronchitis that I can’t kick. And I’m going to believe that God will heal me from this.
Mom’s second dose of her chemo didn’t go well. She had a reaction to the medications. Today (dose 3) dad is with her. I hate that I’m too sick to be around her. It feels as though when she needs me most I’m not there.
I’m reading the book of Isaiah. God I ask for your wisdom. Holy, holy,holy is the Lord of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory.
So they have told me that I have adult onset of Asthma. I still find that hard to believe and even harder to accept. I’m thinking that I have a bronchitis that I can’t kick. And I’m going to believe that God will heal me from this.
Mom’s second dose of her chemo didn’t go well. She had a reaction to the medications. Today (dose 3) dad is with her. I hate that I’m too sick to be around her. It feels as though when she needs me most I’m not there.
I’m reading the book of Isaiah. God I ask for your wisdom. Holy, holy,holy is the Lord of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Grace Can!
Hey everyone... what’s up? How have you been? I recently got finished watching Rock of Love re-runs and feel all the more stupid-er for it. I got to catch the last 3 episodes and the reunion special. :rolleyes: And yup you guessed it... no remote control for the tv (why else would I have watched it?)
So I'm reading in John and the verse catches my attention 1:16 "grace for grace." It's been rolling around in there for a couple of days. I have received grace for grace! Glory to God! He gives me the grace I need for grace! So that "All that the Father giveth me shall come to me!" And that of all which he has given me I should lose nothing!(6:37 & 39)
I’m so thankful that in this hard time He is still drawing me. That He hasn’t left me to myself and my own ways. I’ve had some problems with Chance lately. But God says that all he has given me... I should lose nothing!!! He also says that I can have my seed and my seeds seed so there is more to come! I’m thankful that others are there for me so that we can pull him thru this. My bestest friend assures me that he’s not the first teenager and I’m not the first single mom dealing with it! Hallelujah!!
Mom has started a new type of chemo. Her first dose went pretty smooth so maybe next time she won’t have to stay so long for the treatment. Now if daddy would just take care of himself! LOL.
It’s not a small world anymore. And I have a big year ahead. But I’m not viewing it as a “New” beginning with a clean slate like I heard others say. I’m tired of going around the same mountain over and over again. I’m moving along and pressing ahead and getting involved with what God gives. In spite of me and what I see it’s all because of calvary that GRACE CAN!
So I'm reading in John and the verse catches my attention 1:16 "grace for grace." It's been rolling around in there for a couple of days. I have received grace for grace! Glory to God! He gives me the grace I need for grace! So that "All that the Father giveth me shall come to me!" And that of all which he has given me I should lose nothing!(6:37 & 39)
I’m so thankful that in this hard time He is still drawing me. That He hasn’t left me to myself and my own ways. I’ve had some problems with Chance lately. But God says that all he has given me... I should lose nothing!!! He also says that I can have my seed and my seeds seed so there is more to come! I’m thankful that others are there for me so that we can pull him thru this. My bestest friend assures me that he’s not the first teenager and I’m not the first single mom dealing with it! Hallelujah!!
Mom has started a new type of chemo. Her first dose went pretty smooth so maybe next time she won’t have to stay so long for the treatment. Now if daddy would just take care of himself! LOL.
It’s not a small world anymore. And I have a big year ahead. But I’m not viewing it as a “New” beginning with a clean slate like I heard others say. I’m tired of going around the same mountain over and over again. I’m moving along and pressing ahead and getting involved with what God gives. In spite of me and what I see it’s all because of calvary that GRACE CAN!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Blog update...
My brother, sister in law and I completely did the Thanksgiving dinner at mom & dads. She hasn’t been able to eat anything so she’s wasting away a little. (Lost about 15 lbs in 2 weeks) The rest of her hair fell out from everywhere so we were glad that she had already shaved it short and gotten a wig. She has had tattooed make-up for years so its not that noticeable that her eyebrows/lashes are gone. She was actually able to eat some that day and it made her feel better that she didn’t have to do anything. She’s a little weak. I’ve been “finding” things for her to do for me because she’s feeling useless d/t her weakness.
I put up her Christmas tree and Jeff Jr and I decorated it on thanksgiving day while she watched. It was overall a very good day.
There was an evangelist that works for the Daystar TV network that came and our pastor let him preach a service. At the end he said that he doesn’t usually pray for people but he felt lead to pray for some people in our congregation. ( I was operating a camera that day) He said that he had such a strong feeling that someone had an issue w/ their back and back pain that needed prayer. I RAN up front to have him pray for me. (This was two weeks ago) And I HAVE NOT HAD ANY BACK PAIN since then!! I know that God healed me that morning!! Its not good news to the lawyer who is handling my suit against the other driver but at this point I don’t care. I’ll take pain free over money ANYDAY!!
I put up her Christmas tree and Jeff Jr and I decorated it on thanksgiving day while she watched. It was overall a very good day.
There was an evangelist that works for the Daystar TV network that came and our pastor let him preach a service. At the end he said that he doesn’t usually pray for people but he felt lead to pray for some people in our congregation. ( I was operating a camera that day) He said that he had such a strong feeling that someone had an issue w/ their back and back pain that needed prayer. I RAN up front to have him pray for me. (This was two weeks ago) And I HAVE NOT HAD ANY BACK PAIN since then!! I know that God healed me that morning!! Its not good news to the lawyer who is handling my suit against the other driver but at this point I don’t care. I’ll take pain free over money ANYDAY!!
Sunday, October 07, 2007
The Glory of it all
***Originally posted Thursday***
My mom had an appointment with the MD today. He called her in to let her know that they needed to go back in and do more surgery (tomorrow). They have determined that she has a fast growing type of cancer and the margins were too close. So they will be going back to remove more.
“At the start
He was there
In the end
He’ll be there
Oh, the glory of it all
Is He came here
For the rescue of us all
That we may live
For the glory of it all
Oh, the glory of it all"
My mom had an appointment with the MD today. He called her in to let her know that they needed to go back in and do more surgery (tomorrow). They have determined that she has a fast growing type of cancer and the margins were too close. So they will be going back to remove more.
“At the start
He was there
In the end
He’ll be there
Oh, the glory of it all
Is He came here
For the rescue of us all
That we may live
For the glory of it all
Oh, the glory of it all"
Monday, October 01, 2007
It has been a day of emotions. Mom went in for the needle localization prior to surgery (to identify for the surgeon the exact location of the tumor). While in the x-ray department the radiologist told her that the tumor was on the chest wall and that a complete mastectomy was necessary. (This was against her surgeon’s advice... this is the same surgeon that did my dad surgery. As an ex O.R. nurse I’m very particular who does the surgery.)
Once she gets over to the OR suite she is very emotional, and has signed consents for the total procedure at this time. The surgeon comes out to the waiting room and gets me and my friend Stacey (also an ex OR nurse). After calming her down we get her to agree with the surgeon and change the procedure to the simple mastectomy (also known as a lumpectomy) with fresh frozen sections to determine margins. The surgeon came out after the procedure and told us that he got clear margins with negative nodes. He is setting her up tomorrow for mammosite treatments.
I helped take her home. Got her comfortable and left her to get some sleep. While calling to check up on her this evening, my dad states that she has a rash now all over her body. I told him to call the surgeon. He had already done that without any response yet. I told him to give her benadryl for now and to hold her abx. She already has an appointment for in the AM. I told him to watch her respiratory rate and go to the ER if she becomes short of breath. I wonder what people who don’t have nurses or MD’s around do when something like this arises?
So all is quiet now. I’m completely exhausted, and I wonder if I am free to cry now? Its times like this that I realize that friends are great, but I really need someone in my life to be a rock, and source of strength when I can’t be any longer.
Once she gets over to the OR suite she is very emotional, and has signed consents for the total procedure at this time. The surgeon comes out to the waiting room and gets me and my friend Stacey (also an ex OR nurse). After calming her down we get her to agree with the surgeon and change the procedure to the simple mastectomy (also known as a lumpectomy) with fresh frozen sections to determine margins. The surgeon came out after the procedure and told us that he got clear margins with negative nodes. He is setting her up tomorrow for mammosite treatments.
I helped take her home. Got her comfortable and left her to get some sleep. While calling to check up on her this evening, my dad states that she has a rash now all over her body. I told him to call the surgeon. He had already done that without any response yet. I told him to give her benadryl for now and to hold her abx. She already has an appointment for in the AM. I told him to watch her respiratory rate and go to the ER if she becomes short of breath. I wonder what people who don’t have nurses or MD’s around do when something like this arises?
So all is quiet now. I’m completely exhausted, and I wonder if I am free to cry now? Its times like this that I realize that friends are great, but I really need someone in my life to be a rock, and source of strength when I can’t be any longer.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
‘Twas Grace that taught my heart...
For months now we’ve been battling cancer with my dad. We’ve seen the light at the end of the tunnel. The last PET scan was normal. No activity. Still doing chemo for the next 3 months then re-scan.
Everyone’s finally felt the pressure lift a little.
Yesterday mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. More tests on Thursday. (A biopsy to be done next week) The MD did tell her that from the films it looks like it is in the axillary nodes already but would know more once he does the node biopsy. We’re all just a little weary from the battle. But know we know how to fight better.
Everyone’s finally felt the pressure lift a little.
Yesterday mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. More tests on Thursday. (A biopsy to be done next week) The MD did tell her that from the films it looks like it is in the axillary nodes already but would know more once he does the node biopsy. We’re all just a little weary from the battle. But know we know how to fight better.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Monday, September 03, 2007
Joshua 24: 26-27 Amplified 26 And Joshua wrote these words in the Book of the Law of God; and he took a great stone and set it up there under an oak that was in [the court of] the sanctuary of the Lord. 27 And Joshua said to all the people, See, this stone shall be a witness against us, for it has heard all the words the Lord spoke to us; so it shall be a witness against you, lest [afterward] you lie (pretend) and deny your God.
So if I go through my house and call my walls salvation and my windows and doors a praise to God then they too can be a witness FOR me!! They can be a testimony of praise! As the watchers are writting my account they can see! I AM A PRAISE TO THE MOST HIGH GOD!!! I have a witness in the earth. Glory to GOD!
So if I go through my house and call my walls salvation and my windows and doors a praise to God then they too can be a witness FOR me!! They can be a testimony of praise! As the watchers are writting my account they can see! I AM A PRAISE TO THE MOST HIGH GOD!!! I have a witness in the earth. Glory to GOD!
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Teshuva
Ever notice how if you decide to lay down, life will float right by but its when you decide to stand that the wind hits you harder? I saw a tree being blown by the wind today while the smaller lower lying bushes weren’t fazed.
Matthew 5:17 says, "Do not think that I have come to do away with or undo the Law or the Prophets; I have come not to do away with or undo but to complete and fulfill them."
I’ve always read over this because I’ve thought that the old law is now passed away. Until today. Driving down the road, obeying the law of the speed limit. I hear this thought in my head. So does the speed limit no longer exits? Just because its being fulfilled do I now no longer have to obey it? I know the veil has been torn and now I too can go into the holiest of the holy’s and with boldness go before the throne. But does that mean I can be brassy & bold, arrogant & assuming that my petition will be heard?
Can I assume that Jesus’ whole ministry coincided with the Jewish feasts, and after his death the apostles also remained faithful with the Jewish laws of the feast. I am not a Jew, however I have been adopted into the family through the blood & sacrifice and mercy of Jesus & the most high God. I today’s society adoptions, and split families are common place. I don’t recall ever seeing or hearing of a baby being adopted into a family & the family raising the child with the religious practices of the birth family. No, the child adopts the customs and lifestyle of the new family.
I am coming before you now Lord with a heart of repentance during this period of Teshuva. I’ll not allow myself to be self deceived. I’ll not let strife remove me from Your will for my life. Isaiah 55:7 Let the wicked forsake his way and unrighteous man his thoughts; and let him return to the Lord, and He will have love, pity, and mercy for him, and to our God, for He will multiply to him His abundant pardon.
Matthew 5:17 says, "Do not think that I have come to do away with or undo the Law or the Prophets; I have come not to do away with or undo but to complete and fulfill them."
I’ve always read over this because I’ve thought that the old law is now passed away. Until today. Driving down the road, obeying the law of the speed limit. I hear this thought in my head. So does the speed limit no longer exits? Just because its being fulfilled do I now no longer have to obey it? I know the veil has been torn and now I too can go into the holiest of the holy’s and with boldness go before the throne. But does that mean I can be brassy & bold, arrogant & assuming that my petition will be heard?
Can I assume that Jesus’ whole ministry coincided with the Jewish feasts, and after his death the apostles also remained faithful with the Jewish laws of the feast. I am not a Jew, however I have been adopted into the family through the blood & sacrifice and mercy of Jesus & the most high God. I today’s society adoptions, and split families are common place. I don’t recall ever seeing or hearing of a baby being adopted into a family & the family raising the child with the religious practices of the birth family. No, the child adopts the customs and lifestyle of the new family.
I am coming before you now Lord with a heart of repentance during this period of Teshuva. I’ll not allow myself to be self deceived. I’ll not let strife remove me from Your will for my life. Isaiah 55:7 Let the wicked forsake his way and unrighteous man his thoughts; and let him return to the Lord, and He will have love, pity, and mercy for him, and to our God, for He will multiply to him His abundant pardon.
Monday, August 20, 2007
~We are Family~
My mom is one of 12 kids. And they all live here in Jacksonville. All but 2 of the 12 had at least 3 children, some had 4. Now all of those children have had at least 1 child, some 3. (Stay with me on this). Now all of those children are growing up and beginning lives of their own. Tonight we had a wedding shower for my cousins son Derek (Raymond Derek actually). He is 20, hard to believe. Since it was a "women's" thing and all of the men weren't there we didn't need to rent out a space to have the party. The 'original 12' get together a 2-3 times per year with the whole bunch getting together at least once yearly. At times I dislike having so many people in my business lol. But times like tonight I so love that I belong to them! I wouldn't trade my huge extended family for anything. We grew up close, and we're still close. I know my cousins best friends and they don't understand me and mine HAHA (LOVE YA GOMERS!) But what would life be without them?
One of my aunts died a couple of years ago and her husband remarried. Tonight they were discussing how his new wife is in the hospital so they were planning trips up to visit with her. I thought wow. Charles was married to my aunt and even death can't take him out of the family. (I hope he doesn't mind us holding on to him LOL!)
I bet when we all get to heaven (what a day of rejoicing that will be...when we all see Jesus..) We're going to be the same way. One big extended family. Rejoicing around the throne. Some days I long for heaven more than others. (Everybody wants to go to heaven ... but nobody wants to die.... lol. ) Today is one of those days. Be blessed, and rejoice, rejoice and sing with the angel voice's!
One of my aunts died a couple of years ago and her husband remarried. Tonight they were discussing how his new wife is in the hospital so they were planning trips up to visit with her. I thought wow. Charles was married to my aunt and even death can't take him out of the family. (I hope he doesn't mind us holding on to him LOL!)
I bet when we all get to heaven (what a day of rejoicing that will be...when we all see Jesus..) We're going to be the same way. One big extended family. Rejoicing around the throne. Some days I long for heaven more than others. (Everybody wants to go to heaven ... but nobody wants to die.... lol. ) Today is one of those days. Be blessed, and rejoice, rejoice and sing with the angel voice's!
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
~The Famous Ones~
I’ve recently read two gushing fan posts on two separate message boards for Christian music artist where the fans have gotten the opportunity to meet the band/artist. It made me think.
What if we went to a new church. And once we were there, we met someone who went to our "home" church. We weren’t exactly friends but they seemed nice enough. They offered pleasant conversation, compliments on our family and appeared interested in really getting to know us. Later that evening we attend church again only to find that every word we had spoken to that "friend" was typed out in the bulletin!
What if our spouse wasn’t with us that morning. But they were present at the evening service, and they got to read everything that we had said. How would we feel? Wouldn’t we feel just a little violated/ betrayed?
I challenge fans to look deep inside and see what it is we’re chasing after. Who is the famous one in our lives?
What if we went to a new church. And once we were there, we met someone who went to our "home" church. We weren’t exactly friends but they seemed nice enough. They offered pleasant conversation, compliments on our family and appeared interested in really getting to know us. Later that evening we attend church again only to find that every word we had spoken to that "friend" was typed out in the bulletin!
What if our spouse wasn’t with us that morning. But they were present at the evening service, and they got to read everything that we had said. How would we feel? Wouldn’t we feel just a little violated/ betrayed?
I challenge fans to look deep inside and see what it is we’re chasing after. Who is the famous one in our lives?
Monday, August 13, 2007
~You make all things glorious..and I am yours! What does that make me?~
Ahhh My Remedy is coming! I can hardly wait until its release date September 25th. Today I have an appointment with my orthopeadic surgeon for the result of the MRI. During the nerve conduction study he mentioned nerve block... I'm not big on surgery of any kind.
Sunday morning I was on the front camera (the one that has to move back at the end of praise service). I could hardly bend down to pick up my cords before moving. I was in so much pain that I came home and took some pain meds, fell asleep and missed evening service. I wonder how God can be faithful to me if I can't be faithful to Him. But I know He is. I know that this King's daughter is all glorious within! And I surely will continue to seek out others who's garments are all fragrant with myrrh, aloes, and cassia, and I will be made glad!! (Psalms 45)
Ahhh my Remedy is surely coming! Thank you Lord of heaven and earth!
Sunday morning I was on the front camera (the one that has to move back at the end of praise service). I could hardly bend down to pick up my cords before moving. I was in so much pain that I came home and took some pain meds, fell asleep and missed evening service. I wonder how God can be faithful to me if I can't be faithful to Him. But I know He is. I know that this King's daughter is all glorious within! And I surely will continue to seek out others who's garments are all fragrant with myrrh, aloes, and cassia, and I will be made glad!! (Psalms 45)
Ahhh my Remedy is surely coming! Thank you Lord of heaven and earth!
Saturday, July 28, 2007
~Fudge Rounds!!~
I had an absolutely beautiful day on the lake today. The praise/media teams went to the lake house of our worship leader on Lake Winnott.
A whole day of laughter and praising God without one note, one song, one lyric...yet still God was there. You could feel Him in the breeze~see Him in the clouds~hear Him in the thunder of laughter that echoed across the lake and back again.
We talked about concerts. We talked about the frequency of worship and who was doing what...and what we were going to do. We talked about things to come and days gone by and opened up our intimate lives to really get to know each other past the 1st and 2ND layers. We talked about the drawing of/ calling of God, and how He changed us from _____ but more important is that we love what He has changed us to. And thank God Almighty He hasn't left us to ourselves now. But He's still showing us things about ourselves that need work.
So everything about me today was utterly saturated in God's love & His blessings & His gifts through deep spirited friendships that have roots that went down even deeper today...so tomorrow I'm looking for the new growth. The new buds on the tree~ the new fragrance of worship as new life, growth spring forth from the rain/watering/saturation of our souls today!
Thank you Bill and Stacey for allowing the blessings of overflow to saturate all those who know you!!
A whole day of laughter and praising God without one note, one song, one lyric...yet still God was there. You could feel Him in the breeze~see Him in the clouds~hear Him in the thunder of laughter that echoed across the lake and back again.
We talked about concerts. We talked about the frequency of worship and who was doing what...and what we were going to do. We talked about things to come and days gone by and opened up our intimate lives to really get to know each other past the 1st and 2ND layers. We talked about the drawing of/ calling of God, and how He changed us from _____ but more important is that we love what He has changed us to. And thank God Almighty He hasn't left us to ourselves now. But He's still showing us things about ourselves that need work.
So everything about me today was utterly saturated in God's love & His blessings & His gifts through deep spirited friendships that have roots that went down even deeper today...so tomorrow I'm looking for the new growth. The new buds on the tree~ the new fragrance of worship as new life, growth spring forth from the rain/watering/saturation of our souls today!
Thank you Bill and Stacey for allowing the blessings of overflow to saturate all those who know you!!
Thursday, July 26, 2007
~Mountain of God~
...after all that I've been through...now I realize the truth...that I must go through THIS valley to stand upon YOUR mountain O' God!...
I got the opportunity to see Third Day in concert this past weekend. I did not realize how much I've missed my friends and how bad I've needed them. Just being around those who have the same passions that I do (and the same...dreams/visions ;) )was so much fun. I haven't cut up and acted silly for quite some time. Even though I know that the joy of the Lord is my strength.
It's not that I've been unhappy, but I haven't been able to let go of all of the "chemo questions" and "wreck details" and just think about the future ( THE TEXAS STATE FAIR!!!) and the mountain tops that I know are surely coming.
I believe that this past weekend I was able to stand on a distant mountain of God and see over to the next mountain tops...and there are great things ahead! Here and in Zion!
Thank you a million times over Third Day and especially my fellow Gomers!! I really needed to see that vision...
I got the opportunity to see Third Day in concert this past weekend. I did not realize how much I've missed my friends and how bad I've needed them. Just being around those who have the same passions that I do (and the same...dreams/visions ;) )was so much fun. I haven't cut up and acted silly for quite some time. Even though I know that the joy of the Lord is my strength.
It's not that I've been unhappy, but I haven't been able to let go of all of the "chemo questions" and "wreck details" and just think about the future ( THE TEXAS STATE FAIR!!!) and the mountain tops that I know are surely coming.
I believe that this past weekend I was able to stand on a distant mountain of God and see over to the next mountain tops...and there are great things ahead! Here and in Zion!
Thank you a million times over Third Day and especially my fellow Gomers!! I really needed to see that vision...
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Who is He hearing?
As Hagar lay in the desert, she put her son (who was around 15 by that time) away from her because she didn't want to watch him die...
God heard the lads cry and spoke to her! WOW! So God heard the cries of the teen and spoke to his mom. Makes me wonder if we should re-think the purpose & power & calling of the teenage generation and their role in the church today!.. For years we've been doing this and its just not working. We're not making strides by leaps and bounds to advance the kingdom of God...so maybe, just maybe we need to change our attitudes and thought life re: our youth....
Maybe...
God heard the lads cry and spoke to her! WOW! So God heard the cries of the teen and spoke to his mom. Makes me wonder if we should re-think the purpose & power & calling of the teenage generation and their role in the church today!.. For years we've been doing this and its just not working. We're not making strides by leaps and bounds to advance the kingdom of God...so maybe, just maybe we need to change our attitudes and thought life re: our youth....
Maybe...
Sunday, July 15, 2007
~God only knows why.~
In the beginning God spoke and it was. Everything was created at his words. Then He created us. And we've spent history (his story) altering His words. Twisting them. Changing them to better fit what it is that we are feeling/seeing/ wanting to express. Until now we say, God only knows...Subconsciously and without a conscious thought we've limited God to "only." Instead of saying, God you know my heart better than I do. You know the motives that I hide even from myself. You do know the reasons why. We really don't give you enough credit or control in our lives. There is still so much that we "work out" on our own, as if our brains were able to process the beginning from the end. Still we "hold on" rather than trust and stand. We're "making it" rather than trust and stand. We twist your words rather than trust in and stand on your word. It's already written, but that was then and this is now, so instead of trust and stand, we tend to demand, plead, beg. God please ... fix this, do that, move on our behalf... instead of trust in and stand on.
Bad? or Good Monsters?
Yesterday my son gets his paycheck and immediately requests me to take him to Family Christian Book story to purchase a plethora of Cd's (4 to be exact...wanted more but mom made him stop at just 4..."they're not going anywhere, they'll be here next week when you get another check. Please don't spend everything today"..)
We get in the car and the first thing we hear is Turkish Delight from the Chronicles of Narnia soundtrack. I love DC*B. No more from that CD it was off to the next one. Reliant K then got to waste a little more than 10 seconds of my life! LOL If you haven't heard the CD then you might not understand. It really wasn't wasted but that really is a song...really... Toby's Portable Sounds rounded out the session. It was "BOOMIN"! out the stereo system for sure. Then Chance put in Good Monsters by Jars of Clay. After the first song he takes it out. And back to Turkish Delight it was for the remainder of the evening.
Later while I'm sitting charting my 29 charts for the week, I put Good Monsters back in. And the whole CD is good but especially the last 6 songs. I found myself staring at the laptop thinking WOW. Feeling WOW.
I've been praying now for at least a week straight, "God I want to quiet the drama that I usually create in my life! I don't want you to constantly have to speak to my storm but rather speak to me! It's in the quiet that I hear you whisper in my ear, and in the stillness of the night that your having to guide my life!... I want that to change. I want to live so still in You God that your free to speak to me in all and everything." Yet here I sit. Saturday night. Deadline at work. With 29 charts to get through.... Jesus stepped out on the water that night and would have passed them by ... Oh My God ~don't let it be so with me! I strongly suggest that if there are storms blowing you around right now that you get QUITE...BE STILL before God. IF you need outside help to calm your thoughts, pick up Good Monsters and just sit and watch the songs unfold. Hope won't hide the loss.....BUT GOD!
We get in the car and the first thing we hear is Turkish Delight from the Chronicles of Narnia soundtrack. I love DC*B. No more from that CD it was off to the next one. Reliant K then got to waste a little more than 10 seconds of my life! LOL If you haven't heard the CD then you might not understand. It really wasn't wasted but that really is a song...really... Toby's Portable Sounds rounded out the session. It was "BOOMIN"! out the stereo system for sure. Then Chance put in Good Monsters by Jars of Clay. After the first song he takes it out. And back to Turkish Delight it was for the remainder of the evening.
Later while I'm sitting charting my 29 charts for the week, I put Good Monsters back in. And the whole CD is good but especially the last 6 songs. I found myself staring at the laptop thinking WOW. Feeling WOW.
I've been praying now for at least a week straight, "God I want to quiet the drama that I usually create in my life! I don't want you to constantly have to speak to my storm but rather speak to me! It's in the quiet that I hear you whisper in my ear, and in the stillness of the night that your having to guide my life!... I want that to change. I want to live so still in You God that your free to speak to me in all and everything." Yet here I sit. Saturday night. Deadline at work. With 29 charts to get through.... Jesus stepped out on the water that night and would have passed them by ... Oh My God ~don't let it be so with me! I strongly suggest that if there are storms blowing you around right now that you get QUITE...BE STILL before God. IF you need outside help to calm your thoughts, pick up Good Monsters and just sit and watch the songs unfold. Hope won't hide the loss.....BUT GOD!
Thursday, July 05, 2007
I wanna live like there's no tomorrow...
My Mom calls. Janet will you please make me some more of that salsa? You know how much we love it and the last batch is gone. My boss calls. Janet we need the MD order strings entered in the computer so we can staff out these patients for you...
And I drive down the road singing... I wanna live like there's no tomorrow. And I honestly feel that way. Yet there are so many things pending in my life. I wonder why my words aren't matching my life.
Today I'm going to go get my mom & take her to Publix (where shopping is a pleasure LOL) and show her all the stuff to buy, then go home & show her how to make my salsa.
I'm going to hug my father & tell him how much I love him & how he has been the only stabilizing thing in my life for the past 40 years. And tell him how scared I am that this sickness is unto death & that I've felt that from the beginning & that's why I've been distant lately. That's why I've been staying to myself. I'm so afraid to say anything to anybody because I don't want my heart know.
I'm going to tell my son that since the age of 25 I've known what unconditional love feels like. Now I can finally relate to God in a deeper way. I'm so sorry that he had to be born into the situation that was the mess of my life. BUT GOD!! He doesn't have to stay where I bore him he has a highway and I have a vision. He'll not have to go through what I did because my parents didn't know any better & lived half in this world and half in the church. We've all changed. We've all met God. AND GOD will take him farther than me and my vision. That C.N.B.Seen Productions will to come to pass for him if its Gods will. I'll not call silly the visions that he has.
I will let go so that if there is no tomorrow for me I'll not leave behind a mess for someone else to clean up.
Thank you again Chris Tomlin for inspiring me to see God.
And I drive down the road singing... I wanna live like there's no tomorrow. And I honestly feel that way. Yet there are so many things pending in my life. I wonder why my words aren't matching my life.
Today I'm going to go get my mom & take her to Publix (where shopping is a pleasure LOL) and show her all the stuff to buy, then go home & show her how to make my salsa.
I'm going to hug my father & tell him how much I love him & how he has been the only stabilizing thing in my life for the past 40 years. And tell him how scared I am that this sickness is unto death & that I've felt that from the beginning & that's why I've been distant lately. That's why I've been staying to myself. I'm so afraid to say anything to anybody because I don't want my heart know.
I'm going to tell my son that since the age of 25 I've known what unconditional love feels like. Now I can finally relate to God in a deeper way. I'm so sorry that he had to be born into the situation that was the mess of my life. BUT GOD!! He doesn't have to stay where I bore him he has a highway and I have a vision. He'll not have to go through what I did because my parents didn't know any better & lived half in this world and half in the church. We've all changed. We've all met God. AND GOD will take him farther than me and my vision. That C.N.B.Seen Productions will to come to pass for him if its Gods will. I'll not call silly the visions that he has.
I will let go so that if there is no tomorrow for me I'll not leave behind a mess for someone else to clean up.
Thank you again Chris Tomlin for inspiring me to see God.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
My pastor said Wednesday night that God's not up in heaven with his arms holding back an outpouring. Yet we cry~God I/we want to the outpouring of your Spirit!... We want to see Your Glory manifested here on this earth. And the whole time~the Holy Ghost is present among us. Everything Jesus did that day was given to us. The power of heaven is at our words... But we don't know how to tap into it. And were so full of ourselves and not Him, that there is no room for Him to flow through us. He is not going to fight through the storms of our life~ the drama around us (that we usually create) to get to a calm that He is able to speak to us through. Jesus was asleep during the storm that night & when they work him all he did was speak QUITE...BE STILL!... Do you still have no faith?
There was an awesome faith that Jesus used to raise his own dead body from the grave because it was already written/spoken over Him!! I want that kind of supernatural faith active in my life! That I can speak the power of life into someone else's life!
There was an awesome faith that Jesus used to raise his own dead body from the grave because it was already written/spoken over Him!! I want that kind of supernatural faith active in my life! That I can speak the power of life into someone else's life!
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