~Fudge Rounds!!~

I had an absolutely beautiful day on the lake today. The praise/media teams went to the lake house of our worship leader on Lake Winnott.

A whole day of laughter and praising God without one note, one song, one lyric...yet still God was there. You could feel Him in the breeze~see Him in the clouds~hear Him in the thunder of laughter that echoed across the lake and back again.

We talked about concerts. We talked about the frequency of worship and who was doing what...and what we were going to do. We talked about things to come and days gone by and opened up our intimate lives to really get to know each other past the 1st and 2ND layers. We talked about the drawing of/ calling of God, and how He changed us from _____ but more important is that we love what He has changed us to. And thank God Almighty He hasn't left us to ourselves now. But He's still showing us things about ourselves that need work.

So everything about me today was utterly saturated in God's love & His blessings & His gifts through deep spirited friendships that have roots that went down even deeper today...so tomorrow I'm looking for the new growth. The new buds on the tree~ the new fragrance of worship as new life, growth spring forth from the rain/watering/saturation of our souls today!

Thank you Bill and Stacey for allowing the blessings of overflow to saturate all those who know you!!

~Mountain of God~

...after all that I've been through...now I realize the truth...that I must go through THIS valley to stand upon YOUR mountain O' God!...

I got the opportunity to see Third Day in concert this past weekend. I did not realize how much I've missed my friends and how bad I've needed them. Just being around those who have the same passions that I do (and the same...dreams/visions ;) )was so much fun. I haven't cut up and acted silly for quite some time. Even though I know that the joy of the Lord is my strength.

It's not that I've been unhappy, but I haven't been able to let go of all of the "chemo questions" and "wreck details" and just think about the future ( THE TEXAS STATE FAIR!!!) and the mountain tops that I know are surely coming.

I believe that this past weekend I was able to stand on a distant mountain of God and see over to the next mountain tops...and there are great things ahead! Here and in Zion!

Thank you a million times over Third Day and especially my fellow Gomers!! I really needed to see that vision...

Who is He hearing?

As Hagar lay in the desert, she put her son (who was around 15 by that time) away from her because she didn't want to watch him die...

God heard the lads cry and spoke to her! WOW! So God heard the cries of the teen and spoke to his mom. Makes me wonder if we should re-think the purpose & power & calling of the teenage generation and their role in the church today!.. For years we've been doing this and its just not working. We're not making strides by leaps and bounds to advance the kingdom of God...so maybe, just maybe we need to change our attitudes and thought life re: our youth....

Maybe...

~God only knows why.~

In the beginning God spoke and it was. Everything was created at his words. Then He created us. And we've spent history (his story) altering His words. Twisting them. Changing them to better fit what it is that we are feeling/seeing/ wanting to express. Until now we say, God only knows...Subconsciously and without a conscious thought we've limited God to "only." Instead of saying, God you know my heart better than I do. You know the motives that I hide even from myself. You do know the reasons why. We really don't give you enough credit or control in our lives. There is still so much that we "work out" on our own, as if our brains were able to process the beginning from the end. Still we "hold on" rather than trust and stand. We're "making it" rather than trust and stand. We twist your words rather than trust in and stand on your word. It's already written, but that was then and this is now, so instead of trust and stand, we tend to demand, plead, beg. God please ... fix this, do that, move on our behalf... instead of trust in and stand on.

Bad? or Good Monsters?

Yesterday my son gets his paycheck and immediately requests me to take him to Family Christian Book story to purchase a plethora of Cd's (4 to be exact...wanted more but mom made him stop at just 4..."they're not going anywhere, they'll be here next week when you get another check. Please don't spend everything today"..)

We get in the car and the first thing we hear is Turkish Delight from the Chronicles of Narnia soundtrack. I love DC*B. No more from that CD it was off to the next one. Reliant K then got to waste a little more than 10 seconds of my life! LOL If you haven't heard the CD then you might not understand. It really wasn't wasted but that really is a song...really... Toby's Portable Sounds rounded out the session. It was "BOOMIN"! out the stereo system for sure. Then Chance put in Good Monsters by Jars of Clay. After the first song he takes it out. And back to Turkish Delight it was for the remainder of the evening.

Later while I'm sitting charting my 29 charts for the week, I put Good Monsters back in. And the whole CD is good but especially the last 6 songs. I found myself staring at the laptop thinking WOW. Feeling WOW.

I've been praying now for at least a week straight, "God I want to quiet the drama that I usually create in my life! I don't want you to constantly have to speak to my storm but rather speak to me! It's in the quiet that I hear you whisper in my ear, and in the stillness of the night that your having to guide my life!... I want that to change. I want to live so still in You God that your free to speak to me in all and everything." Yet here I sit. Saturday night. Deadline at work. With 29 charts to get through.... Jesus stepped out on the water that night and would have passed them by ... Oh My God ~don't let it be so with me! I strongly suggest that if there are storms blowing you around right now that you get QUITE...BE STILL before God. IF you need outside help to calm your thoughts, pick up Good Monsters and just sit and watch the songs unfold. Hope won't hide the loss.....BUT GOD!

I wanna live like there's no tomorrow...

My Mom calls. Janet will you please make me some more of that salsa? You know how much we love it and the last batch is gone. My boss calls. Janet we need the MD order strings entered in the computer so we can staff out these patients for you...

And I drive down the road singing... I wanna live like there's no tomorrow. And I honestly feel that way. Yet there are so many things pending in my life. I wonder why my words aren't matching my life.

Today I'm going to go get my mom & take her to Publix (where shopping is a pleasure LOL) and show her all the stuff to buy, then go home & show her how to make my salsa.

I'm going to hug my father & tell him how much I love him & how he has been the only stabilizing thing in my life for the past 40 years. And tell him how scared I am that this sickness is unto death & that I've felt that from the beginning & that's why I've been distant lately. That's why I've been staying to myself. I'm so afraid to say anything to anybody because I don't want my heart know.

I'm going to tell my son that since the age of 25 I've known what unconditional love feels like. Now I can finally relate to God in a deeper way. I'm so sorry that he had to be born into the situation that was the mess of my life. BUT GOD!! He doesn't have to stay where I bore him he has a highway and I have a vision. He'll not have to go through what I did because my parents didn't know any better & lived half in this world and half in the church. We've all changed. We've all met God. AND GOD will take him farther than me and my vision. That C.N.B.Seen Productions will to come to pass for him if its Gods will. I'll not call silly the visions that he has.

I will let go so that if there is no tomorrow for me I'll not leave behind a mess for someone else to clean up.

Thank you again Chris Tomlin for inspiring me to see God.

My pastor said Wednesday night that God's not up in heaven with his arms holding back an outpouring. Yet we cry~God I/we want to the outpouring of your Spirit!... We want to see Your Glory manifested here on this earth. And the whole time~the Holy Ghost is present among us. Everything Jesus did that day was given to us. The power of heaven is at our words... But we don't know how to tap into it. And were so full of ourselves and not Him, that there is no room for Him to flow through us. He is not going to fight through the storms of our life~ the drama around us (that we usually create) to get to a calm that He is able to speak to us through. Jesus was asleep during the storm that night & when they work him all he did was speak QUITE...BE STILL!... Do you still have no faith?

There was an awesome faith that Jesus used to raise his own dead body from the grave because it was already written/spoken over Him!! I want that kind of supernatural faith active in my life! That I can speak the power of life into someone else's life!