Thursday, July 05, 2007

I wanna live like there's no tomorrow...

My Mom calls. Janet will you please make me some more of that salsa? You know how much we love it and the last batch is gone. My boss calls. Janet we need the MD order strings entered in the computer so we can staff out these patients for you...

And I drive down the road singing... I wanna live like there's no tomorrow. And I honestly feel that way. Yet there are so many things pending in my life. I wonder why my words aren't matching my life.

Today I'm going to go get my mom & take her to Publix (where shopping is a pleasure LOL) and show her all the stuff to buy, then go home & show her how to make my salsa.

I'm going to hug my father & tell him how much I love him & how he has been the only stabilizing thing in my life for the past 40 years. And tell him how scared I am that this sickness is unto death & that I've felt that from the beginning & that's why I've been distant lately. That's why I've been staying to myself. I'm so afraid to say anything to anybody because I don't want my heart know.

I'm going to tell my son that since the age of 25 I've known what unconditional love feels like. Now I can finally relate to God in a deeper way. I'm so sorry that he had to be born into the situation that was the mess of my life. BUT GOD!! He doesn't have to stay where I bore him he has a highway and I have a vision. He'll not have to go through what I did because my parents didn't know any better & lived half in this world and half in the church. We've all changed. We've all met God. AND GOD will take him farther than me and my vision. That C.N.B.Seen Productions will to come to pass for him if its Gods will. I'll not call silly the visions that he has.

I will let go so that if there is no tomorrow for me I'll not leave behind a mess for someone else to clean up.

Thank you again Chris Tomlin for inspiring me to see God.

No comments: