Sunday, April 29, 2007

~Matthew 3:16-17~

NIV After being baptized Jesus came up immediately from the water, & behold the heavens were opened & he saw the spirit of God descending as a dove & lightening on Him. & behold a voice out of the heavens, said, "This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased."
This wasn’t the sermon today, in fact it was just something that was spoken as an example for something else. I was doing the switching for the TV ministry but when I heard this it exploded in my head, [follow camera 1, I need more head room camera 2] Wow, God spoke out of heaven but only a handful of people heard Him. Today, He is still speaking out of heaven, and only a handful of people have/are hearing Him. They think they are but, if He’s speaking then, wouldn’t we all be hearing the same thing? [cam2 head room! No don’t zoom~ correct the head room... I know that zooming works to correct head room but that’s not the shot I want! Zoom in/pan up!] All the time its growing in my brain. I’m saying head room~ they’re translating zoom~ While zooming out does give you more head room it alters the outcome. If were all hearing but adjusting things differently, no wonder we all have different outlooks/ views/ perspectives. Then we spend time trying to correct each other [you need to pan not zoom]

Saturday, April 28, 2007

~Your Glory Revealed~

...and then we will see the glory of the Lord revealed....
Sorry for not posting a blog yesterday but I got the opportunity to go see the Glory Revealed tour, and it was an amazing evening. David Nasser made a comment that has got me thinking. He said something along the lines of show me a church, that if the pastor were called away to preach somewhere else [because its scripture~that can happen with a right motive and a right calling] but show me a church that falls apart when that happens and I'll show you a church that has placed its faith/hope/trust in a pastor and not the Lord. That statement will make me change how I worship tomorrow. God forgive me for my love of the ministry and my love for praise. I don't want to be guilty of emotion and not devotion. While I do open my bible daily its often just to find inspiration for my journal [that has recently become this blog] We were asked can you quote one scripture with passage and verse for every year that you've been a Christian? My son could. I can rattle off the top of my head the mini verse catch phrases, "The joy of the Lord is my strength" etc, and all of the Chris Tomlin/Matt Redman/ Hillsongs and of corse my Thirdday songs that are scripture set to verse but I cant tell you where to open your bible to in order to find it. So I basically have words that sound beautiful & inspire& sometimes lead you to into an emotional "Mountain of God" but I don't have the ability to tell you where to turn to read it for yourself. For that I'm sorry God. So rather than get a big concordance & walk around with it, I choose to get to know, really know with a depth of understanding, I want to know you my Lord God almighty!

~You are Holy~

I am wholly yours O God! Ezra 8:28 says, "Your are holy unto the Lord" Today is a bad pain day which usually translates as a good pain med day, but not today. If I believe that God you never change, and I have unfailing love for me then today is the day I walk free. I want to know you God & be so close to you that I don't even realize where I stop and you start. I want to be wholly holy yours! I don't care about what I see, hear & feel because in the scope of eternity, what is today? And what am I if not yours? I know you love me I've seen your favor in my life, I've felt you move~ I've heard your voice~! Nothing, NOTHING in my life matters compared to you and your glory. Lord make me more like you today. I feel you drawing me & I don't know what for but I want to be a holy vessel that you can trust. I want you God to be able to trust my motives, my mouth, my attitude, trust where I place my foot and lay my hand, I want you to trust your very presence inside of me. So that its not me but you that lives thru me! God if I'm to be single the rest of my days~ show me how to walk it out your way! Show me how to walk thru the ain& the heart break over my dad& still be found on the other side praising. Show me how to trust what I know about you to be true, that nothing but the will of God can come. More than me I want you!!

~I will not be silent~

Hold not thy peace O god of my praise! Psalm 109
I felt a change this morning, that I couldn't explain. Its been three days since Sunday. LOL I know nothing but the will of God can come. I've known that my praise ushers in your peace~Thank you for Your word that won't let me go! I thank you God for inspiring and giving my praise to those that put it to rhyme and give it back to me. The things of my heart that I don't know how to express, you've given to those who say it best. Thank you praisers /worshipers for living a life obedient to the call of the ministry & for the sacrifice that you make to be a vessel worthy of honor. I will live with pure hands and a clean heart so that my praise will not be in vein, but rather His praise will run through my veins and my heart will beat with yours O God now and forever more!

~All I have to Give~

You say, all that follow you may find, comfort and pain, blessings in hard times...

WOW If that's true a blessing is surely about to come! I'm waiting for the heavens to open up and pour its love on me!! When you write/make public your declarations of your pursuit of holy life, blameless before men, don't you know you're going to have multiple opportunities throughout the day to prove your words! I'm there. Today. Walking thru the mire of my life. I will hold my tongue! All I want is love~I confess to this and I will take it Lord all you to give. All you have. To give.

~All Your promises won’t let go of me~

I'm glad that all Your promises won't let go of me & I can't forget about it! I'm glad to know that I can trust who He is in me & not what I see! That cancer cant keep me from believing in God! And even though every step brings me back to the pain, I have the joy in the reign of Your Spirit in my life. I will press through I will know you! Not just Your words on a page but Your life in my soul. My mind will seek You first & the beauty of your holiness will guide my steps & my words. I will be filled with and controlled by the Holy Ghost in all and any area of my life. For the Christian death is nothing to fear, but if you live in fear then death surely will come to steal the word away. The enemy of all righteousness will not prevail against this saint!! My heart sings in spite of what I see! Because all of Your promises wont let go of me!!

~It’s a world wide call to everything we’re not~

Ah the "other" Mac. Sometimes its fun just to party. It's a world wide call to everything that we're not... Right now I'm not happy. I'm battling the truth that I see and the truth that I want to be. I call those things that are not as though they were, against all hope I still believe in hope [check out Romans 4:17-18] I didn't go to dads surgery yesterday. Mom said the MD came out to talk to her & said the he'd fight with us as long as we fought, but if there was anything that dad wanted to do , let him do it.
As a single mom my dad has been Chance's dad too. And Jason (since you're the only one who reads these lol) you know how wonderfully cool & well behaved (he goes with me to work everyday now & I get so many compliments on his manners and looks lol) he is. He turns 15 in a couple of weeks (5/7). & now is the time in his life that he needs a father to turn to. My heart hurts!!! Through my wrong decisions I've never been able to give ham a father so I've shared mine. I sat him down this morning over blueberry pancakes (his favorite breakfast) & told him what the MD said against the advice of my mom. I told him that right now every word holds the poer of life & death so don't day what you see say what you believe. Because God is still GOD!!

~There’s a Light at the end of this Tunnel~

You've got your disappointments and sorrows but ...remember what I told you. There's so much your living for. There's a light at the end of this tunnel, shining bright at the end of this tunnel for you... keep holding on.
Ever notice how MRI machines are shaped like a tunnel? I'm feeling random today. Dad goesback to surgery tomorrow. Should be a simple port a cath insertion, in and out in 15 min local mac (always makes me smile) procedure. But remember the last in/out simple procedure that I didn't go to because my scientific brain said its so simple.... (Heck I've done over the past 13 yrs of perioperative nursing/surg tech tons of these) Then I get the call. Ever notice how a phone call can ruin your day, change your life, change your perspective?
Sitting in the MD's office while he explained to us what we're dealing with, my sister in law (God I love this woman!) Asked the question that I didn't want to know the answer to. Where did this come from? The PET scan was clean 2 months ago, now he has a golf ball tumor with that dx. And the answer surprised and for a brief moment angered me. Yeah its not mets!! But I then immediately knew what happened. & I almost threw up. I repositioned myself on the chair & made sure the MD wouldn't see my ID badge indicating I'm an RN. For any non medical people I'll try to explain it as brief as possible. When you open up a cancer during surgery IF someone uses an instrument anywhere else that has had contact with the CA it plants a seed... and seeds grow... BUT GOD!!
My mind left the room with the family and went back to the millions of surgeries I'd done & fought tears. God please don't let any of the procedures that I'd done been careless, please cover my patients. I know that I'm not an RN on my own doing/ skill but its your will. God you (and Izzy from the 3D lol) know I'm not smart enough on my own to do this, but I know how to pray & how to stay so close to you that I can just somehow know what to do & what I've been given by God I have to keep by God so I have to stay by God! I seek you Lord this day and everyday for the wisdom to know how to walk thru this life. How to keep my head up under your hand because I know that IF I keep myself under Your hand then nothing can touch me that doesn't 1st filter thru Your hands. You've seen my beginning and you know my end & I choose to trust YOU! And I know that I can give a little hope to my patients in spite of what I see when I choose to change my perspective & lift my eyes over my disappointments & sorrows!

~Our God is a God who Saves!!~

He holds the keys of life my Lord, death has no sting no final word!!
I once told a friend that its better to laugh thru the pain than cry thru the rain. With the recent VA Tech shootings its hard to relate to laughter. But GOD says the Joy of the Lord is my strength and God can't lie!! In fact God doesn't change! We change, our circumstances change, our finances constantly change, the report from the doctors changes But the report of the Lord never changes He is the same God yesterday-today- and forever! We should wake up every morning and say God you are God and ruler over my life and I give you full control today! I will be filled with and controlled the Holy Spirit of God. I choose as an act of my will to yield to Your will in my life today so that my light may shine and will glorify my Father who art in heaven! I'll not be shiny but that YOU SHINE!! And Nothing but the will of God can come!

~Be lifted High~

Falling on my knees in worship, giving all I am to seek your face....
Have you ever felt marked? The other night I was sitting in the car outside Walmart waiting on Chance to go inside and buy the last of the supplies he needed to finnish a project that was due the next morning. Since I am still unable to ambulate very well, I was going to sit in the car.. I didn't get a parking spot but rather idled in the lane. Out of the corner of my eye I see this truck moving towards me. So I quickly put it in gear to get out of the way. I looked in my rear view mirror to see the truck roll up the curve then backward with NO DRIVER! Someone's truck had slipped out of gear & went on a joy ride & I was in the way. It made me think of all the times I lived on auto pilot going thru this physical therapy & whole wreck ordeal. I wonder how many people had to put it in gear to get out of the path of my words or attitude. I was listening to this song today & I felt such a weight on me. Right now I'm physically unable to fall on my knees in worship. And the auto pilot bought on by pain meds makes me mentally unable to give all I have in worship. That's when it hit me. Ever since I found Jesus all I've had to offer was my praise! I did not come to God with gifts and talents and offerings. I came broken, rejected, alone and abused and all I've ever had was my praise. No not with a mic front and center but with my life. So the one thing that my enemy could steal from me he has hindered over the last couple of weeks. God I thank you for showing me that I can bow the knee of my heart, I can bow my head and change my attitude and I can still give " all I am to seek your face.. Lord all I am is yours. My whole life I place in your hands God of mercy humbled I bow down in your presence at your throne!!"

~So I say Get On!!~

"Your body will take you places that your soul does not want to go." Rev. L. Adkins. When I first heard that my mind exploded. WOW! Jesus' body took him to a cross that He did not want to bear. & Our bodies too will take us places that our souls don't want to go. For me right now its physical therapy.
Over at the ThirdDay message boards we have a thread about a "preacher" who is preaching against ThirdDay and the "Gomers." I look at the scriptures and in my minds eye I see a multitude of Christian "do gooders" who think our "Mission" in life is to take Christ to a dying world by going into the streets & bars& brining them back to God. When in truth the lost of this world do not want what the collective "Church" has to offer right now. The Church is not a gift to the world nor is she a gift to be given in marriage as a bride! If the Church had the power of God in operation then every man, woman, child & nation under the sun would be clinging to it! I think the Church needs to start the clean up at home. We need to get the stye out of our own eye. I feel that as long as we all believe that Jesus was the Son of God~ was born to a virgin~ suffered on the cross~died for our sins~ rose from the grave (on the third day ) and now sits at the right hand of the Father. What does anything else matter? If you don't like or believe in women preachers then don't go to a church that has one. If you don't believe in speaking in tongues, or laying of hands don't go somewhere that does those things. But don't engage in a log debate over who is right & waste your time in a fight. Believe what you believe (become what you believe!) And as long as the foundation is the same then let others believe what they believe.
A body has many parts that don't all function or look & feel like the rest but it functions under one core. You need your liver as much as you need your kidneys. Both work as a filter but they don't function a like, they don't look a like, they don't have the same output yet both function in their own way to filter the blood. Get it? So lets get on about the work of the kingdom, which is to change from what you are to what He is so that others will see you and glorify your Father God which is in heaven. AMEN!

~I Will Lift My Eyes~ (One of my fav blogs!)

I will lift my eyes, to the maker of the mountains I can't climb...I love hearing someone else's worship and feeling it as though it were my own. I know I'm not unique and my thoughts not original to me. I long for the day when I can truly say that these thoughts are not mine but rather the thoughts of God moving thru me. That these hands no longer move to reach out from me but reach out from within you. To honestly live a life so hidden in you, filled with and controlled by the holy Spirit of God that nothing is impossible and all things are possible. To not only lift my eyes to the hills but to the maker of the hills! And know without a doubt that my God reigns over every area of my life, my heart, and my mind. That He's breaking thru the walls I've built my life my soul to save. To go beyond transcending the grave and being saved from hell but being saved into life. To have a life that wins! To touch others with a power that transpires inspiration~ that changes lives, gives hope, offers resolutions to problems. To see the giant and the God of heaven looking down on him. & to know that no matter how small we feel we can be filled with everything that he is. To know that I can have what I say if I do what I'm told. That's the life I want! That's what I'm called to be. That's the maker of the mountains in my life that without Him, left to myself I could not climb. In Him is who I want to be!

~Glory Revealed~

God you are my God, earnestly I seek you, my soul thirst for you and my flesh longs for you in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and because your loving-kindness is better than life my lips shall praise you! Psalms 63. I love to write the Psalms. Something about seeing it in my font makes it feel as though I'm writing it as an eternal love letter to the one who loves me unconditionally with all my flaws. He who sees my soul and loves me still! I've wondered why some fabulous songwriter hasn't taken this Psalm (my favorite one) and put it to notes to give me an instrument to usher in my praise! Loving-kindness is one of those "bible" words that's hard to walk out in the light of day, or see through the darkest night. I've seen loving and I've seen kind, and then I've seen a kind of loving. But to truly know what God's loving-kindness towards me feels like would be for me a glory revealed! A delight in my heart, a praise song that goes deeper than notes and lyric and rhyme. Everyday I press towards the presence of my everlasting God. To be so close I feel His breath on my cheek. I long to sleep with my ear on the pulse of God to hear His heart in mine.

~Glorious Over Us~

I have decided that I will trust in and cling to the hope that is Christ Jesus. If you allow the reality of truth to touch your life then change is inevitable. You can not stay the way you are and still show what He is! One moment of the reality of truth will make you a different person on your job Monday morning than you were Friday afternoon. People will ask you, "are you ok" and make statements like, "something is different about you." Something to ponder ~ His death and resurrection paid a penalty for our sin. So now we don't have to sin. I know, I know I've heard it all my life too. "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" Romans 3:23 TOO BAD THEY STOPPED THERE!! Get your book and read on down! We are free to live the righteousness of Jesus the Christ and in Him there was no sin. What does that mean to me? I don't have to sin. If I sin it's because I choose to sin!! Face it, most Christians don't have to worry about stealing, killing or even fornicating. But we do fall in the area of attitude, judgements and our thought life. We've spent years justifying or qualifying our sins as "not that bad", or "if that's the worst I do then I'm ok with that." Well I'm not ok with that! I want to go a little higher than just being saved. The God of this universe hung, stretched out between heaven and earth, looked thru time, saw me and said, I'll not come down off this cross and save myself, because if I do I won't save Janet! And that is worth dying to myself, getting myself off of my hands and pursuing with everything in me righteousness so that I can be blameless before men and my father God who is in heaven and reigns glorious over us! Amen.

~Easter Sunday~

I'm so glad that He lives to change me from what I am to who He is! I'm so thankful that He came thru time to bring my sin back and nail it to that tree so that I can live free of me! I can live His life thru my body. Cain gave a fruit offering that came from a ground that was cursed. But what God wanted was a blood sacrifice. Now that Jesus has given the blood sacrifice for us what God wants is our heart, not the fruit of our labor produced from a self life! I'm glad to know that the victory in my life is not up to me & how much I do but rather how much of myself I give over to Him. The depth of my salvation depends on the amount of dying to self that I allow so that for Him to live I must die! Then He is free to show me how to walk thru life with peace and joy. I choose to give Him the ability to live His life thru mine! I choose to sit at His feet wherever I am with constant spiritual evolving and change. Lord I want to be more like you today and everyday!
Oh another Friday night. PT actually wasn't that bad today... however I could walk better BEFORE I went I know its for my own good but does it have to hurt so bad. I was thinking today, wow what He must have felt. Since todays the day that we've officially set aside in remembrance. I was thinking about last week,& how different the scriptures would read if that donkey had thought the parade was for him! I try to keep myself off of my hands so that they're free to reach out and help others. I'm so glad that I am free to live a life of praise!! One of my therapist made the comment that she wanted to go to church since it was Easter... I guess since I go every week because I live what I believe, I couldn't imagine ever not going to church. I can't imagine how shallow, or empty my life would feel without Him. I smiled at the therapists and simply said, well that's a great reason to go. I pray that wherever she goes, God will meet her there. And that she can experience a face to face living God encounter!
The Parade
He came riding in early one spring day. And the people thought that their Messiah was on the way. Just as Isaiah had told them long ago. He would come riding on a donkey and her colt. Oh I've never realized the magnitude of it. But we're to be the donkey that brings the world Him!
Have you ever wondered 'bout the mysteries of His awesome word. And the truths that we've been given in the lessons that we've heard. How we often lay them down when the road starts to turn. Instead of living out the grace and power that we've learned. Oh I've never realized until I heard from you, that I'm to be the instrument that you work through!
What if...oh what if they had thought the parade was for them? What if... oh what if we never turn no never learn to show the world Him. Oh can they see the spirit of grace and power on me? Can they see the Jesus living in me?
April 5th
Today was dads follow up with his MD. He told him that his graft may be infected. Loaded him up with stronger antibiotics and wants to case present him before the cancer board before he meets with dad again. This is when its hard to be an RN. When there is something going wrong with your own dad. Because I know what science says. Science says that when someone has a clean pet scan, then two months later develops a larger tumor then its fast growing CA. Faith says "who's report will you believe" and that nothing but the will of God can come to those who keep themselves in the will of God. I still told him to take his BP and if the BP drops and HR increases then call the MD... LOL Didn't tell him why, just said that's a side effect of infection that he should be watching for...

Wed April 4th 2007

What is my mood?.. I guess it would have to be determined... Determined not to get a bad image in my head everytime I hear that someone is a Physical Therapist! As a nurse I must admit that I haven't always had much sympathy for people who are painfully undergoing brutial PT. MRI says that nothing is wrong with my knee YEAH!! So why can't I put weight on it?..Being my age & weight doesn't look good falling down! Talk about sky falling down! And why does the 19yr old who didn't even tap on his breaks before slamming into the back of me have anything wrong with him... and, on a side note why does workmans comp only pay 80% of my salery... It means that I have to actually miss GMA week...and the Glory Revealed tour (that hurts worse than therapy haha)