Tuesday, July 15, 2008

I sat with Jennifer in church Sunday night. She asked me to come sit with her. Jason was on cameras. It was nice to feel wanted. Jennifer writes left handed. I think it's so graceful and beautiful. My right handed penmanship is pretty. I hear it all the time, "Your handwriting is so beautiful."

I'm searching for my echo. To find that with which I can be satisfied 80% of the time. I know that I'd rather remain utterly lonely and alone than to settle for that which does not fit in with the inner music of my soul. In the past I've questioned my ability to love outside of myself, now I question the ability of a stranger to see through love what I am inside, and it want to enter into my circle.

Every door I ever tried was locked/ Oh I'm just waiting 'till the shine wears off.

I'm not sure at what point I could no longer contain my fascination with Jennifer's penmanship [which by-the-way for as graceful and beautiful as the movements are... its outcome is not!] On the back of the bulletin I scratched out, "I'm going to teach myself to write left handed, I'm bored writing right handed." To which there was only one appropriate response that fits my circle of perception and depth of reality... "Dork"

Hello, (Hello) Is there anybody in there?/Just nod if you can hear me...

God help me to find my community of belonging with those whom my soul loves and my heart understands.

No I don't want a battle from beginning to end/ I don't want to cycle love and cycle revenge/ I don't want to follow death and all of his friends.

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