Thursday, July 10, 2008

Some days I struggle more with what lies inside, not the realities of the truth, but the need for simple proof...

WOW sometimes my own twitters amaze me. I spent yesterday wandering around in my own brain, trying to figure out~ when did dying to myself mean I was to become someone else. Not a transformation from what I am to who He is, but from who I am to who I think they think I should be. Still "surrounded by people who don't think the way I do..."

There is a reality in my head that makes me not want to forget. But I'm forgetting half of the things I said and all of the reasons I said them. "This is who I am." I'm a thinker, a dreamer, a lover of many things not considered lovely by most. I'm the loner who doesn't always want to be alone. I don't want to sit and talk to you about Third Day, or the boards, or the tour... I want to talk about how Third Day has inspired you or me, how the boards have added another level of friendships to my (our) life, or how the tour has moved me/us to action to help create a better way of living for those less fortunate.

If your not one of my GOMERS I don't even want to discuss Third Day with you (outside of mentioning that Revelation ROCKS and you need to pre-order it), because you have no idea.

I want to talk to you about how beautiful the sky looks when God-kissed first thing in the morning, or the blushing of the evening sky as she gets ready to lay the day down. I want to feel the emotion in your eyes as you tell me about something you are passionate about. If you've spent any time with me, you know my passion for music. (Epically guitars~lol) Who are you? And why, after all of these years, do I have to ask you? Why don't I know you?

I've wondered if I'm so caught up in myself that I haven't been able to catch you. I'm seeking. I'm knocking. I'm open.

"I don't understand why we can't get close enough."

J

2 comments:

Corrine said...

Interesting, because I've known you for six years. You've stayed at my house. We shared a hotel room together for a week once. But I only feel like I'm just getting to know you now.

JanetRN said...

Actually... we've sat drinking coffee and sharing our lives... once in a Starbucks in Nashville (with some more special people ;) )...and how about the time on your back porch?... And who could forget the "Heal me Kill me" week? I think the only change is that I'm sharing a deeper level with you. I've blogged it on here for a couple of years... Face to face I tend to create laughter. And I'm not saying that is gone out of me.