Church Sunday was interesting to say the least. I was told that my "chasing" after these bands was from a bad spirit even if they're Christian bands. (See my prior post on why we Gomers do what we do) That my desire to do the interviews, write the CD reviews, concert reviews ~ none of that is from God, and if I kept it up I would be in stubborn obstinance.
"Im looking to the sky to save me/Looking for a sign of life/Looking for something to help me burn out bright"
Sitting and staring for days. The one thing that I've had as an outlet to help me keep some sanity in all of this... The few bright moments spent with friends~ spent with my own feelings lately... none of that is from God? I've finally gotten to a real and honest level with my own skin but its not from Him.
I've had more phone and face to face conversations with "Houston, TX" and "Lutz, FL" than I've had with any member of my church this whole year. When asked, "How are you?" I've replied, "I'm still standing... I'm blogging all of it if you want to know the truth!" While laughing. No one has. They still look through me.
I'm the type who can't open up to people about my feelings very easily. I'm the one that makes you laugh. Come to me if you need to smile. If you need encouragement. (If you want me to promote something HAHHAHAHHHA... I'm your go-to-person for that.)
So do I go back inside me? Hold it all inside again so that it hurts to even smile? Be "fake" to fit in with the people who don't even think like I do? I wonder if some of the people at church were to actually go into their right brain what would they find.
I was told that if I wanted to see how much of a prayer covering was actually over Chance and myself, try leaving the church and I'd see. The sermons at my church are awesome. Its the only church I've gone to as a Christian. It has helped mold me into who I am. I've learned more there than I did in my whole life before there.
We'd live happily ever trapped/If you just save my life/Run and tell the angels/That everything is all right.... Im tired of trying
Philippians 1:7-11 NIV
j.
1 comment:
I feel the same way about the people in my church, sort of. I mean, they don't think like I do. I love this song "Wildflower" by GS Megaphone from their Beautiful World CD. It says what I feel about my church.
"Wildflower"
Let me out from this house,
I want the wind in my hair.
The nearness to a window is no longer a sufficient sun.
I'm sick of this vase telling me how deep my roots can reach.
It only gives me as much as it can hold for me to drink.
And I say,
Come my way, come my way, I want you to,
Set me free, set me free. I am a wildflower.
Our lives required a windowsill and soil and a flowerpot.
I won't be satisfied until my form of godliness requires God.
I'll watch the empire of your kindness
As it outshines the sun up in the sky.
We'll worship with our minds
And finally worship with our lives.
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